Once upon a time, not too long ago, there was a young prince and a lovely princess madly in love with each other, ready to live their lives happily ever after. They made plans, got the blessing from their parents and took a walk down matrimony lane.

As you may have guessed, and rightfully so, the couple in question here is my wife and me. Now back to the story…..

Well, the happily ever after was going right on track for the first month after the wedding but suddenly one evening, the princess started experiencing an excruciating pain in her back. The prince got really worried, hoping everything was alright and  immediately took her to the doctor the following morning, only to find that the clinic was supposed to open twenty minutes after they got there.

“This sucks”, the princess said.

“It sure does”, the prince chimed in.

It feels kinda weird talking about myself in the third person so I’ll switch to my wife and I instead of the prince and the princess…..

As she was in a lot of pain, I decided to let her sit in the car with the seat pushed all the way back to help her relax, while I went ahead and stood outside the doctor’s clinic. (un)Fortunately for us, he is an amazing doctor with God-gifted powers of healing, ergo his popularity. I was surprised to see that a couple of people were already loitering outside his then shut door waiting for him to grace us with his presence. Thankfully for me, I was the third person standing there, which meant I’d get in and leave the clinic in a jiffy. After waiting there for another five minutes, I went to my car to see how my wife was doing. She seemed relaxed enough so I went back inside, afraid to lose my seniority (being third with this doctor isn’t bad at all). I was a bit disappointed to see that an old poor-looking gentleman had joined the other two, which meant that I’d either (a) have to settle for the fourth spot or (b) fight it out with the old man for the spot which was rightfully mine. Since my wife could barely sit through the pain, I made up my mind to go with the latter option.

What followed was nothing short of outrageous. A lady dressed in expensive clothing came waltzing into the clinic foyer, reeking of money and a severe superiority complex. I wouldn’t have given her another glance had she not walked up to that poor old man and started shouting at him. I have a terrible memory so I’ll write what she said as best as I recall (but how she said it was an entirely different story). She said, “Driver! Why are you standing here away from the main entrance to the doctor’s? You should stand there so that the doctor’s assistant would know you were here first!”.

The poor guy replied, “Madam, it’s really hot and sunny there and so I thought I’d stand in the shade.”

With a look filled with pure contempt and raw hatred, she said, “You clumsy fool. You have absolutely no sense of responsibility. Humph! I’ll go stand there in the sun while you enjoy your shade.” And with that, she took a pair of sun-shades previously placed on her forehead and slid them over her eyes.  The old guy must have been her dad’s age at least and the way she robbed him of his dignity was downright disgusting. I felt like walking up to her, slapping her smack on the face and asking her to apologize to the poor driver.

A woman like her with a million important things to do wouldn’t like to waste either her or her driver’s time, so she barked some instructions at him saying, “Now go make yourself useful and get some moong daal (a popular lentil) from the grocery store.” The poor guy trotted off in the direction to get what the Ice Queen (with a heart as cold as hers, she’s the ideal candidate for this title) had ordered. In the meantime, the Wicked Witch of the East (another name that suits her perfectly) called home and ordered someone to thoroughly clean up her room followed by the kids’ rooms and the bathrooms. I could so imagine the maid on the other end, with her undignified life and her desperate situation, causing her to work for this terrible woman.

The driver, thoroughly exhausted by the sweltering sun and the weight of his age  (must be at least 65 or so) on his shoulders, came in again with the requested lentil. The lady literally snatched the bag out of his hand and looked inside to verify its contents. She looked at the driver with the eyes of a tigress about to move in for the kill and screamed, “Driver, I knew you were insane but now you’re also deaf, dumb and blind. I specifically told you to get the chilkay waali moong daal (a variety of the previously mentioned lentil but with the skin on) and you go ahead and get me one without chilkas (skin)? Oh God! What have I done to deserve an idiot like you?” (thou shalt not take God’s name in vain). Dear readers, why don’t you go ahead and read the part where she asks (or rather commands) the driver to get the lentil. Was there a mention of the specific variety anywhere? I don’t think so.

The poor driver was spared of another round of I’ll-bash-your-face-and-rip-your-heart-out (at least for the time being) as the lady saw the doctor walking in. The people waiting for the doctor before the queen showed up moved to the doctor’s office entrance to get their number (yes, this particular doctor has everyone take numbers to observe the golden first-come-first-served rule). Seeing us moving in, she turned on her charm (through which I could see her true self so well) and a smile that  and could melt a million hearts said, “Dear brothers. I live in Defense and have traveled a long distance to see this doctor. Can I please go in first?”. Let me clarify here that as arrogant she was, she also told us where she came from (i.e. Defense Housing Society – where all the rich and famous in Karachi live) to show her superiority and to notify us mortals of her immortality (if money could get you that). The guy who had showed up first at the doctor’s clinic politely declined saying, “Madam, I’ve waited for too long to let you in first.” Unfortunately, her fake charms worked miracles on the guy supposed to go in second, and he let her go before him, therefore bumping me into fourth place.

With her mission accomplished (somewhat – ideally she would’ve loved to go in first), she waltzed into the doctor’s office as if she owned it. I went out and brought my wife inside. The Ice Queen finally realized that she did not need her expensive sun-shades anymore. She put them over her forehead and put on a pair of reading glasses over her eyes. After completing this maneuver, she gazed at all of the low-life scum-bags inside the room with a look that said, “I’m rich, you’re not, I’m important, you’re not, I’m human, you’re not”.

After that, throughout her wait, she kept her eyes fixated on a little black book (that she took out of her purse) as if reading something with a lot of concentration, and taking notes all the while. All I could do is analyze what kind of a person she was. Here’s what I came up with:

1. She was proud – proud of her money, proud of who she was, proud of where she lived, etc.

2. She was arrogant -I’m too good for this world; I don’t have to die – EVER! I’m Immortal.

3. She had no respect for fellow human beings – she thought it was her time that was important; the rest of the world could wait. Moreover, her attitude towards her driver was inhumane to say the least.

4. She was heartless – her get-out-of-my-face-or-I’ll-bash-your-head-and-crack-open-your-skull attitude towards her driver depicted an ice-cold heart.

I’m no psychoanalyst but I know this much; If you are half as bad as this lady, It’s time to re-evaluate your life and see what you can do to improve yourself. Karma’s always lurking around the corner and what you give is what you get in return; you’ll never know what hit you when things go spiraling down.

There’s still time……………

Yousuf

p.s. As for my wife, she’s feeling much better now, in case you were wondering.