Living A Nightmare

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I cry myself to sleep at night
Wake up at two, no sign of light
There’s still so many hours to go
There’s still many demons to fight

I try real hard but nothing takes
Memories break open the gates
Gushing in with an unseen force
Bringing my nightmares in their wake

I gasp for hope to no avail
Lungs faith deprived, all senses fail
Try to hold on to something real
Helpless, blinded, darkness prevails

I sense a glimmer up above
With all my might I push and shove
Knew in my heart you’d come save me
And fill my life with endless love

I rub my eyes, the vision’s clear
You’ve gone too far, no hope is near
These demons are now destiny
With that I shed a single tear

I stare into infinity
To see what life would really be
These scars that I have on my soul
Are your one parting gift to me

I only have dark thoughts to keep
Death’s quite a ways, waters too deep
With nightmares on ‘Play. End. Repeat.’
I cry myself right back to sleep

Yousuf Bawany – August 2015

Emotions: Unshackled

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Insane and neurotic
All out of my mind
Eyes brimming with teardrops
Blurred vision, I’m blind

My self is all but lost
Humanity’s gone
Life isn’t worth living
It’s time to move on

But where would I go to
Who’ll keep me around?
Why would someone pick me
Withered and run-down?

No feels, no emotions
Drifting with the flow
No set destination
There’s nowhere to go

The scars run too deep and
The stain is too fresh
Entangled, strangled
In this pensive mesh

Everything is laced with
A trace of self-doubt
Is this what I’m worth now?
Is there no way out?

You plucked all my feathers
Couldn’t fly away
Cleverly made sure that
By your side I’ll stay

I keep hearing voices
They’re all just the same
Coaxing me, cajoling
To call out your name

The hurt that you’ve caused is
Just too much to bear
Should I crawl right back or
Should I cease to care?

You crushed me, you used me
Till I came undone
These tears I shall wipe and
Grief I’ll overcome

Barrenness within I’ll
Fill with a new love
You’re not worth my pity
Tears you don’t deserve

With brand new resolve I
Get up from the floor
There’s worlds worth exploring
Beyond your closed door

The sun’s shining brightly
The sky’s filled with light
Breathing in some fresh hope
I take one more flight

– Yousuf Bawany, May 2016

Poetic Justice

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My mind oft wanders to that time
When you were all I had
I trusted you with everything
With all the good and bad

You held your power over me
You knew me inside out
You knew what filled my heart with joy
What made me scream and shout

Ne’er had I thought that you of all
Would put me through this pain
Love’s all but lost, bridges aflame
What did you have to gain?

With all your might, shoved me aside
I fell down with a thud
Not caring for my starched white shirt
You dragged me through the mud

I’d never felt so hurt whereas
You’d never felt so proud
Pinning me down with words so foul
And actions brash and loud

The stains I sported on my soul
Made me a laughing stock
Oh! what a fool was I to think
By your side I would walk

Time heals all cuts and treats all burns
My wounds are just the same
But what you’ve done will scar your dreams
Drive you downright insane

Karma’s a dog that bites back hard
Forgives not, nor forgets
I may be the one hurting now
But by God, you’ll be next!

– Yousuf Bawany, November 2015

Sense(s) Of Betrayal

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You can look but do you see,
The hurt I harbor within in me?

You can hear but do you listen,
Everything that we are missin’?

You can taste but do you relish,
All the things we used to cherish?

You can smell but do you inhale,
The thorny roses now gone pale?

You can touch but do you feel,
What is a dream and what is real?

You can sense but do you perceive,
Who to trust, who’s lies to believe?

– Yousuf Bawany, July 2015